From Darkness There Comes Light

At the time of writing this, there is a tug of war going on internally that has been hard to reconcile. As a small business owner, you have to be a jack of all trades and accept that there are going to be things you will not master. Building kayaks and paddling are something I consider myself at being proficient. Mastery would infer that there is not much left to learn and is why I choose not to adopt that term. Being in the public eye and marketing, I am a pure novice. My efforts to improve in those areas have been stymied by something within ME. Some soul searching was necessary to find the root source. What I am about to share is something that has been both a hinderance and a blessing. Only a select few know the story, until now.

In 2015, I embarked on my quest to open my own shop and start building kayaks. Social media and this blog were a major part of the plan to get the word out. I was enthusiastic, took risks and thought sharing my story was a good thing. During the summer of '15 I got a cryptic Facebook message stating that I was not being honest in my blog. Not sure of where this was coming from, I engaged in a conversation that would rattle me to my core. Following the messages, emails started to come from another "person". They were threatening, accusatory and promised to expose me to to the paddling community as what they determined to be a "fraud". To this day, I still don't know if this was a coordinated effort by multiple people, or a single person with an axe to grind. The profile was made up and the email origin was not able to be traced. Either way, my business was threatened and I was threatened. Since then, I have only had three entries here and all but abandoned my personal Facebook and Instagram accounts.  I use social media for the business and to support my friends businesses with engagement to boost their posts within the platform algorithms. Mostly I watch and occasionally engage, but it is always measured.

Not all was bad though. I took a long hard look at myself in a teaching capacity. It started to change, and I believe for the better. Yes, I am an ACA Instructor and was certified according to their methods. But I evolved, and that incident was the catalyst for that change. My feeling is that my job is to educate and encourage. To bring out what is within everyones reach. I also started to see instructors in a different light. There are those who teach traditionally, lecture and evaluate style. And those that turn it into a fun filled exploration of personal limits and reaching past them. I have leaned toward the latter especially in the last couple of years. I've participated as an Instructor with Gerry Polinski and Nick Schade at the Schoodic Sea Kayak Retreat for two years now. Gerry's debrief has been the same both years. "You're a little slow in the beginning, but fill in nicely", he says. I always grin and say "I know, I know". I like to think it as code for a job well done. My preference is to set back and see where I can help. Encourage an open dialog for honing skills and lowering anxiety. I will often lead and play around with features and techniques, to encourage self exploration. As Gerry calls it, "Top Tips" style of coaching. At the end of the day, students don't feel like students. They have had an enlightening experience, and if all is right, inspiration to go further with their paddling development.

That was not the only place where I can say there was a silver lining. Although I retreated from sharing my paddling journey, I turned inward. I paddled alone...a lot, just trying new things with boat control. Perfecting and linking strokes. Finding the most narrow and twisty paths to paddle and challenge myself. My favorite exercise was threading the pilings in empty boat slips during the early season before the marinas filled back up as the temperature rose. There was something artful about threading a 17' long kayak between pilings spaced 10-12' apart. I was growing as a paddler by just experimenting and failing at times. There was nobody there to judge me or tell me how to do it, I just kept learning through what didn't work to find what did. I was also learning to hone and trust my instincts. Developing a relationship between myself and the water.

My take away is this. Through some adversity, I found my value as an Instructor. The people I paddle with don't need me to learn how to do everything textbook perfect. They come, voluntarily, to better themselves at something they are passionate about.  I am just there to help them along and honored to do so.

Now I just need to learn to be a little less reserved when it comes to promoting the business. This is a good place to start.